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The Unfinished Business of Trauma: Why Your Body Needs to Shake and Cry

The Unfinished Business of Trauma: Why Your Body Needs to Shake and Cry


We've all been told to "be strong," "hold it together," or "suck it up" in the face of a crisis. From a young age, many of us learn to suppress the raw, messy, and often loud physical reactions to overwhelming events. We clench our jaws, stifle our sobs, and force our trembling hands to be still. We see these reactions as signs of weakness, a failure to be in control.

But what if that shaking, those tears, and that deep, shuddering breath aren't weaknesses at all? What if they are the body’s ancient, innate wisdom at work, trying to heal you in real time?

A therapist once shared a powerful story with me. She was in a car accident—a terrifying moment of screeching tires, impact, and shattering glass. After ensuring everyone was physically unharmed and the immediate danger had passed, she pulled her car safely to the side of the road. And then, she did something remarkable. She didn't immediately call her insurance company or vent to a friend. Instead, she put her head on the steering wheel and allowed her body to do what it was screaming to do. She let herself shake uncontrollably. She let the hot, stinging tears stream down her face. She allowed the deep, guttural sobs to come up from her belly.

She explained, "I needed to complete the biological process." By allowing her body to discharge the immense surge of survival energy, she prevented that traumatic charge from becoming stuck. She was finishing the story her nervous system had started.

The Biology of a Threat: Fight, Flight, and Freeze

To understand why this is so crucial, we need a quick look at our biology. When your brain perceives a threat—be it a car accident, a sudden loss, or a violent confrontation—your autonomic nervous system (ANS) takes over. Specifically, the sympathetic nervous system (SNS), our internal "gas pedal," floods the body with a cocktail of stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol.

This does a few things instantly:

  • Your heart rate and blood pressure skyrocket to pump blood to your muscles.

  • Your muscles tense up, ready for explosive action.

  • Your breathing becomes shallow and rapid to maximize oxygen intake.

This is the classic fight-or-flight response. Your body is preparing for a significant physical exertion to either fight off danger or flee from it.

But sometimes, we can't do either. The threat is too big, too fast, or too inescapable. In these moments, the nervous system can slam on the brakes, throwing us into a state of freeze. This is when the body becomes immobile, but all that high-octane survival energy is still revving under the surface, with nowhere to go.

The "Charge" That Gets Stuck

In the wild, an impala that narrowly escapes a lion will often find a safe spot and tremble violently, shaking from head to tail. It’s not still scared; it's discharging the massive amount of energy it mobilized to survive. This completes the cycle. The nervous system returns to its calm, "rest-and-digest" state, regulated by the parasympathetic nervous system (PNS).

Humans have the exact mechanism. However, our sophisticated brains often get in the way. We tell ourselves, "The danger is over, I should be fine now." We suppress the shaking, choke back the tears, and force ourselves to remain stoic and calm.

When we do this, the survival energy remains trapped in the body. The nervous system never gets the "all clear" signal that it has successfully returned to safety. This "unfinished business" can lead to the long-term symptoms of trauma:

  • Anxiety and panic attacks

  • Hypervigilance (feeling constantly "on edge")

  • Insomnia and nightmares

  • Chronic pain and muscle tension

  • Emotional numbness or explosive anger

That trapped energy keeps telling your body you are still in danger, even when you are logically safe.

The Wisdom of Release: Shaking and Crying

This brings us back to the wisdom of what that therapist did. Shaking and crying are not just emotional expressions; they are profound biological discharge mechanisms.

  • Shaking and Tremoring: This is your body's most primal way of releasing the intense muscular tension and burning off the excess stress hormones left over from a fight, flight, or freeze response. It is the physical completion of a survival act. Allowing these neurogenic tremors is a key component of trauma recovery therapies like Somatic Experiencing (SE).

  • Crying: Crying is far more than a sign of sadness. Emotional tears have been found to contain stress hormones and toxins that the body is literally flushing out. The act of sobbing also stimulates the vagus nerve, a key component of our parasympathetic "brake pedal" system, which helps calm the body and bring it out of a state of high alertness.

How to Create a Safe Space for Release

Completing this biological cycle isn't about having a breakdown in the middle of a crisis. It's about finding a safe and controlled environment after the immediate danger has passed and giving your body permission to do what it needs to do.

  1. Find Physical Safety: First and foremost, get yourself to a place where you are and feel physically safe. This could be your parked car, your bedroom, a trusted friend's home, or a therapist's office.

  2. Listen to Your Body: Tune into your physical sensations without judgment. Do you feel a tremor in your hands? A tightness in your chest? A lump in your throat? These are the signals.

  3. Give Gentle Permission: You don't have to force it. Simply give yourself quiet permission. You might tell yourself, "I'm safe now. It's okay to let this go."

  4. Stay Grounded: As you allow these sensations, keep a part of your awareness in the present moment. Feel your feet on the floor. Notice the texture of the chair you're sitting on. This helps the process from becoming overwhelming and reminds your brain that you are safe now.

Your body has an innate capacity to heal. The shaking, the tears, the deep breaths—these are the tools of its trade. By understanding these as robust biological processes, not as signs of weakness, we can begin to work with our bodies instead of against them. We can learn to honor their wisdom and, in doing so, take a profound step toward healing the unfinished business of trauma.

Disclaimer: This blog post is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice. If you are struggling with the effects of trauma, please seek help from a qualified therapist or mental health professional.

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